The casual cup of coffee

So, a lot of guys try just way too hard to pick up on a woman, which in turn usually turns her off. The conversation is forced, so it feels forced and then everyone involved is uncomfortable. The idea to write on this topic came to me after an interaction today, that was normal enough to me, but thought maybe something could be gained from it, so here we go.

I pulled up to a coffee shop and was going to walk in, which I do regularly instead of drive thru for the human interaction, and a woman parked behind me. Very beautiful woman, I might add. I noticed her immediately in my mirror. I exited my car and walked into the coffee shop and didn’t think too much more of it since I wasn’t quite sure where she was going. While I was ordering my cup of black coffee with two ice cubes she walked in right behind me. Immediately, I thought of the whole “pay it forward” concept. It was just a bonus she was a pretty girl, but it didn’t matter because my intention was no more than to be kind. Here’s a tip for you guys that are a bit more inexperienced, don’t ask if you can buy her a cup of coffee, just do it. Here was my line, verbatim, “I’ll get hers as well”. I said this to the barista loud enough for the girl to hear me then I turned around with a small smile and asked her “what she was having”. Her response was of course, ”you don’t have to do that” then I responded“, I know I don’t, I want to” that was followed by her smiling. Then what came next was the game changer and frankly out of the norm. She said, “I do utility adjustments, let me come to your house and do yours for free so we’re even”. She said this with a huge smile and it was clearly her attempt to open the invitation to proceed, having nothing to do with the adjustment. Most guys would’ve jumped on this. I instead said “that’s not necessary, if you want to pay me back, buy a cup of coffee for someone sometime” her smile went ear to ear once again. I told her I hope she has a fantastic day and enjoys her coffee. I lightly touched her arm and smiled, then walked out.

I walked to my car, got in, and shut the door like I was going to leave. I never turned around even though I knew she was watching me walk out since it was such a unique interaction. To add to it she was experiencing multiple feelings at once. On one hand someone was just sweet to her for no reason, so she felt gratitude and happiness yet was feeling rejected at the same time. This leads to a woman feeling confused. I sat in my car just for a second and as soon as I saw her get into her car and saw her looking at my car parked in front of her, I got out, walked up to her car, and handed her my business card. I said “ on second thought, I might take you up on that” clearly referring to the invitation and not the utility adjustment. I told her to give me a call. She smiled and then I smiled, shut her door for her, and walked away.

You might be asking, well how do you know if she’ll call you? Great question and the answer is, I don’t. All though I am 99% sure she will, anything could happen. The point of all of this and why I decided to share it with you is because it shows the ability to be fluid. It shows what can happen when you give freely and it’s a good way to test different ways to approach situations without any expectations. I encourage you to try your version of this. You never know what could happen. Best case scenario you get a date, worst case you make someone smile for doing something nice that you don’t have to and build a bit more self esteem. It’s a win win.

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