“Zest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest.”
Wake up, go to work, do some sort of physical exercise, maybe pick the kids up, eat, sleep, and repeat. This might not be your life exactly, but you get the point. The average person’s day-to-day life is typically made up of the same tasks and activities. Quite frankly, this can get a bit boring and mundane. We get into routines. It happens to all of us, but few know how to break out of these patterns. Routine is comfortable and we can do most of it on autopilot. We tune out, put some music on, and go through the motions. Now, there’s nothing wrong with this. It’s part of life. The little things need to be taken care of and most people don’t have the luxury of hiring someone to do them. You might be asking yourself, “What does this have to do with this chapter?” Well, most people’s lives are typically made up of the same things, over and over again. People are creatures of habit.
So what does this look like in the dating world? There’s a woman at the bar, hoping to shake the same old routine and boringness of her life, and you come up and say the same old pick-up line or start the same kind of conversation that every other male, who’s also stuck in his patterned life, says to her or has said to her in the past. She feels sucked right back into the same old crap that she’s trying to escape, just in the dating version. Congratulations – talking to you just became as exciting to her as picking up her dry-cleaning every week. You are providing nothing new or exciting for her.
We see this happen nine out of ten times. Why? Many men are nervous and don’t know what to say. They fall into a pattern of behaviors that they think works, possibly due to what they’ve been taught by their friends or seen in movies. Or are they simply boring? Sometimes. I believe we all can fall victim to any of this at various times, but mostly I believe the cause or reason as to why we do, all happens for the same reason.
You’re not in the moment. When you are not in the moment it is virtually impossible to connect with your inner core. You’re so worried about what you think you should do, or how you’ve been conditioned to act, you can’t hear that inner-voice that already knows exactly what needs to be done. You can’t see or feel what you should say. Look around you while you’re speaking because your opening conversation is right in front of you. This is how you break routine, avoid the same questions she’s been asked a thousand times, or use the same compliments that she hears from every other idiot. You want to be different so say something different. Don’t be every other guy. The idea is to break the routine, not become part of it. Be her escape.